Saturday, November 18, 2017

Something to Ponder

Disclaimer:  As stated to the right, the contents of this blog are personal and do not reflect any position of the U.S. Government or Peace Corps.


"White Girl," "White Lady," "Whitey," "Snow Bunny," "Sexy," "White Gyal,"  These are some of the names (that I can understand) I am called on a daily basis.  In addition to words, I am routinely stared at, looked up and down and made to feel uncomfortable by the opposite sex.

Harassment has been on my mind lately because of what is going on at home.  While I didn't/don't get into the #metoo campaign, I fully support it and anyone who participates.  I also support those who do not want to share their experience because WE DON'T OWE ANYONE ANYTHING.  Think about this: Most women you know have had some sort of harassment in the workplace or in other parts of their life.  Just let that sink in.   

I have seen articles on the internet of what it is like being a women who runs; always looking behind you,  always wondering if the man running towards you is going to grab you, turning the volume on your ear buds down low so you can still be aware of the noises around you.  Did you also know that as women, we constantly wonder if we are going to be grabbed as we walk to our cars?  Especially if we are parked in a garage.  We also look under our car and in the back seat before we get in.  And don't even think of handing us a drink we didn't pour ourselves or watch being poured.  Etcetera, etcetera...

In Guyana, harassment is an every day occurrence.  Just yesterday, as I was in the market where a man was trying to get my attention.  He did so by calling me 'white girl.'  I calmly explained he should not call me that because it is not nice, to which he responded, "I just wanted to get your attention, I don't know your name." I told him he can say "excuse me or miss."  He then introduced himself to me and my friend who was with me, and asked us where our boyfriends are.  This, is where we turned around and left.  The vendors in the market know me.  I am not normally bothered there, but every now and then it happens.

Same day but later, I am walking home from school.  I passed some secondary students also walking (people walk really slowly here) and then heard, "white lady."  I promptly turned around and explained it was inappropriate to say that and he should say "miss" if he wanted my attention.

This is daily life here. 

On my walk to school (which I have been doing for over a year now) there is a house being built.  This started a few weeks ago.  What used to be a quiet, relaxing walk interrupted by a few good mornings on the way, suddenly became an uncomfortable and tense journey.  The workers at the house constantly yelled at me.  "Morning white girl, you looking sexy today."  "Hey white gyal."  When I tried to ignore them, they would continue with, "Hello....hello!"  One day I finally had enough and decided to ask them to stop.  I tried to explain it was not ok to talk to me like that, but they continued.  I even yelled at them loudly enough two older gentlemen stopped to observe what was happening.  Still, it continued.  I did not want to have to change my route to school simply because these men did not know how to appropriately talk to someone.  My beautiful friend Mel told me to talk to the man in charge so, the next day, I stopped and found that man.  Explained what was going on and he profusely apologized, said he has talked to them, and will again.  Since then, I have not had a problem.  However, it is still uncomfortable walking by the construction site.

There was another time earlier in my placement when I was walking to the market and had to pass a group of workers. As I was passing one man stopped what he was doing to stare at me.  When I got closer, proceeded to tell me how sexy I was.  I told him to stop, said that was harassment and his response was "It's the truth!  I'm just telling you the truth!" 

Or how about when I ask someone to stop, their response is "Why?"  I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!!!

I write all of this not to talk bad about or spread negative words about Guyana, but to say, yes, women are harassed on a daily basis.  It does not always have to be sexual in nature.  It can be a comment of "You should smile more."  Or "Don't sit like that, it's not lady like."  While in America, people are finally coming out and fighting back, here, most smile and seem to enjoy it. 

I say most because I have observed some women fight back.  They are small in numbers (from what I have observed) but they are doing it.  I also try to instill in my students not to take harassment from others and to not harass others.  Change begins with the young.  Education is the key. 

I have witnessed the men whisper in people's ears.  It has also happened to me.  It is one time where I am glad I cannot always understand their Creolese.  While I don't normally let people get close enough to me to get into my ear, this happened at school.  AT SCHOOL!  In front of children.  I immediately yelled at him and berated him, it is still the fact this happened to me in front of children.  And my children at that.  At a place that is protective of me and has accepted me as one of them.

Again, most women smile or ignore it, but I am not them.  I was raised by a strong and independent mother and a father who 'gets it.'  I was raised on the premise it is not ok for anyone to talk to me in this way.  But here, it is accepted and some even like it.   

Remember earlier when I said my friend and I were asked about our boyfriend's?  Yeah...that happens a lot.  It is very common for people to live with their parents until they are married, where our parents "kick" us out when we graduate high school.  It is also common place for people to get married and start having kids at young ages.  It is a foreign concept to most Guyanese that I am the age I am, I'm not married, and I don't have any kids.  I am told all the time I need to find a Guyanese man (except my gyals Mal and Priya who say hell no).  I'm also told I should get a kid of my own (especially after they see me playing with their children).  Some of this is in jest, but not always.  Then, there are the men.  Most men here (again I say most) want to mansplain everything.  They also ask inappropriate questions about our love lives.  "You have a family?"  "Why yes, I have two parents and two sisters as well as numerous extended family members."  This is not what they mean about family.  "Do you have a boyfriend?"  "Why not?"  "You need a Guyanese boyfriend."  Yes, all of this has been said to me.

To keep my sanity, I try to plan my trips out of the house to maximize my travel and I almost always walk with my earbuds.  I know what you are thinking...that's not safe at all, but I assure you, I can still hear everything.  I turn them down low so I can hear if someone is coming up behind me, or if someone is trying to get my attention.  Sometimes they are not even on at all.  It helps me to ignore the inappropriate and unwanted comments I get every time I leave the house.  I can talk to and educate every person until I am blue in the face, but since I live in such a large and transient area, I cannot reach everyone.  I have to pick my battles.  Is it hard mentally? Absolutely.  Do I loose my patience ever?  Of Course!  "Are there days I don't leave my house?"  You betcha!  But tomorrow is a new day and I have to keep looking forward to that.


There is so much more I could tell you about my time here and the harassment that follows but I don't want to give you the wrong idea about Guyana.  Guyana is beautiful.  It is the land of many waters.  Yes, the coast is littered with trash and the ocean in murky and muddy, but if you look past that, you will see beautiful skies and trees.  There are exotic birds you only see in a pet store flying around the sky.  And the people.  The people are generally kind.  They are a tough bunch, but you would be too in this tropical heat with no a/c!  Go even further to the interior and you will see untouched rainforest.  Black water, families in canoes, monkeys jumping from tree to tree and luscious green landscapes or red desserts.  Guyana has so much to offer if you look. 



 Some links you might find interesting.













Monday, November 13, 2017

Family, Friends and Other Stuff

Wow!  Seems like I am making a habit out of waiting a long time before I post new entries!  I'm not a natural writer so I put it off until I feel I absolutely have to.  I'll briefly catch you up with the happenings and I promise I'll try to be better about more timely entries.

This summer (we call it August break since it is perpetually summer) my baby sister got MARRIED!!!  And I came home for the first time in 1 1/2 years.  The journey started out without a hitch; I caught the bus to the airport (after I caught some rando looking at my luggage tag and exclaiming he wanted to see my New York address [because all American's live in New York], then proceeded to tell me he was police and had to inspect my bag when I yelled at him for touching my personal belongings), boarded the plane to Trinidad and Tobago, went through immigration and security, and then boarded my flight to Ft. Lauderdale!  Holy crow!  I was so excited I could barely stand it!  I literally had to talk myself out of becoming a ball of anxiety just to make it in one piece!  And then it happened.  I was in the US (granted not home, but in the US).  The first thing I noticed/remember after getting off the plane and through immigration was all the smells!  It didn't smell like Guyana.  It was familiar.  The smell of freshly baked pretzels from Auntie Anne's; french fries from the bar in front of me.  I was so overwhelmed with people and smells I just stood there and soaked it all in.  I couldn't stop smiling.  I'm sure people thought there was something wrong with me.  Only one more flight and I would be home with my family.  After I found my gate, I had some time to kill so I bellied up to the bar and ordered a drink.  What drink you ask?  A Pinot Grigio of course!  In response to the bartender's question of the big one or the small one, I proudly said, "Give me the big one."  That got a couple of chuckles.  As I sat there, I looked around still not believing I was there.  I overheard conversations people were having about who knows what and even took part in a few convo's myself with my surrounding neighbors.  It was nice to have a normal conversation with someone and it not become creepy or end up with me getting hit on.  As the day went on, I was receiving notification of my flight being delayed.  It eventually came through the flight was cancelled, so I, along with a very nice couple I met, settled down by baggage claim to sleep until the morning when we were to take the first flight out.  I will have to say that I drank way more wine that I anticipated therefor when I fell asleep, I fell hard (this was also after a couple of facetimes with very patient friends and family).  I even almost missed my flight!  Uff Da!  But alas, I made it. And with my first Starbucks in a year and a half my new friends bought me, I re-checked my bag, got through security and was on my way to Nashville; after a short layover somewhere I can't remember mind you.

The three phases of my travel home...


Phase 1: Guyana airport with coffee


Phase 2:  On the plane


Phase 3: Big Wine


Hellllloooooo Nashville!  It was miraculous!  I made it!  I was hungover and tired, but I was there!!!  My parents were waiting anxiously for me in the waiting area before heading to baggage claim.  Things are already looking different.  The airport has had some upgrades and the parking lot and surrounding driving lanes have changed up.  Next was pick up Liz and go to lunch!  First meal...Panera.  And I drank the free water from the tap!!!!!!  I mean...WATER FROM THE TAP!!! It's really the little things...

From then on it was a whirlwind.  There was a house show at my beautiful friend's house, Cathy.  There were drinks with other friends, there was a bridal shower and bachelorette party, more drinks with friends and doctor's appointments.  Then family started to come in from all over for the wedding.  Midnight ride to the airport with a sister and BFF, Shelley, to pick up a cousin (I see you Carly), more family, and an automatic kitchen faucet that kept being turned on accidentally by our flailing arms.  More family and then the big day.  It was beautiful and calm and everything was perfect.  Guys, when I tell you how beautiful my sister looked, believe me, those words don't even do it justice.   The ceremony was fantastic and the reception was full of laughter and dancing.  My speech, I thought, went very well even though there were some people who were not so fortunate as to know my family very well and wondered it I was just a mean person (Shut up Liz!) (Sorry Mom).


Right before walking down the aisle!


Husband and Wife!


Cleaning lipstick off my teeth!


New family photo


My speech...


...was funny


Sarah caught the bouquet and I laughed at her!



Laura and I post wedding


Carly, Laura, and I post reception

The next week was a little more relaxing.  More time with friends, catching up with former students, another doctor's appointment and then a trip up to Wisconsin!  It was Mile of Music week in Appleton and a family keg party!  Who can resist!  We stopped first in Milwaukee to see Aunt Amy and attend a Brewer's game (we won).  Then it was off to dinner with Uncle Mel and Linda.  It was so good seeing everyone and even better that I was eating Carrabba's!  Gosh I love that place.  It was then off to Appleton to see the rest of the gang.  There was a lot of food, drinking, and partying out on the town.  I even got to meet up with 2 RPCV's who lived in the area.  It is such a different world that we live in here, it's nice to talk with people who understand and know what it is all about.  



My Centennial High School Front Ensemble


When band mom's think you need to eat more food and you explain how much you love pretzels...


McMurray Fam


Brewer's Game!



Greg and Dad at Mile of Music


Ann and Mom at Mile of Music


Sarah and I at Mile of Music
Dad's fabulous photobomb


I crashed Ben's bachelor party in Nashville and these were some of the people there! 


Duke at a drum circle


Snap of Ben and I playing around.  Sarah and Luke are intense in the background.


RPCV's Mitchell and Lori made it out!!!

While in Wisconsin, I found out I was being placed on medical hold for my back and ended up staying in America for 4 more weeks!  During that time I was in physical therapy three days a week, caught up with more friends, went to another wedding, saw the total eclipse (we were in the path of totality), and gained weight due to eating all of the things I cannot here!  It was a magical time and I am glad I was able to prolong it but whew, I was ready to go back.  After 6 weeks, I left Tennessee to head back to Guyana to finish my last 6 months before COS (close of service).



My back taped up


Looking at the eclipse!


Liz and I


Total Eclipse (of the heart)


Jack and I


Shelley, Jack and Emma.  Miss these guys!


My girlfriend's are better than yours...
Thanks Kate Cauthen for the photos!


Cheers!



As I sit here listening to the rain and drinking tea (yes, I said tea) I realized that I am so lucky to amazing family and friends who are always there cheering you on.  I also realize I had a lot more to say about my trip home than anticipated.  I was going to fill you guys in on all the other comings and goings of my time here so far, but I guess I'll put all of that in another post.  I don't know about you, but I don't really like reading things off the computer screen, especially if it is very long, so I'll stop now and leave you wanting more...


Tanya's wedding with Shallen and Mary Helen


You can take the girl out of Guyana, but not Guyana (and the beer cape) out of the girl...


Beautiful baby girl!  Not mine...Taylor and T'Anna's.


Kate, Cathy, and I at Live on the Green


Got my hair did!  Thanks Jessami!  And yes, it's purple


My friend Kaitlin playing keys!  Loved all the music I got to see while I was home!


Mom and I at the Titan's game.  The Bear's still suck!


Tanya and I eating Mexican food (seriously...would you think any different?)


Haley, Jessica, Cathy, Me, Kate, and Elise...Fabulous group of strong and independent women!